Two months have already passed since graduating college and
in that seemingly short amount of time, the Lord has led me on a really crazy journey
of surrender and trust. I have found that trust is a really difficult thing for
me. I am SUCH a planner, that as the days drew near for my student teaching to
come to a close, a cloud of anxiety hovered over my heart as the question of “Now what?” began to plague my mind. In
all honesty, although I was proud of my accomplishments and relieved to a
point, I dreaded graduating because I knew as soon as I accepted my diploma, I
would be faced with a whole lot more questions than answers. I like answers.
Ha!
I struggled for the first several weeks {annnd beyond} of
summer, being absolutely stricken with fear of the unknown. I knew that God had gone before me and
would reveal His plans to me in time, but Satan has a funny way of using those
times of waiting as footholds to our hearts and minds, doesn’t he? In those
weeks of waiting, I struggled with irrational fear and insecurity and had to be
extremely intentional about taking my thoughts captive and listening for the
voice and truth of God rather than believing the lies Satan planted in my mind.
Lies that shook my confidence in my ability to teach and lead well and made me
question if I had wasted 4 years
pursuing the wrong career. I began praying boldly that God would reveal His
will for this next season of life, whatever that looked like. As I prayed, I
wasn’t sure if those prayers would
lead me into a classroom, a non-profit, a church, or anywhere else. I just knew
that I wanted whatever God wanted.
I also prayed boldly that if God had called me to teach in a classroom, that He would prepare
me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for the job. I do not take teaching
lightly, as I am acutely aware of the level of influence teachers have on the
minds and hearts of students. There were nights throughout my college career
and throughout this summer that I have been absolutely paralyzed by the weight
of that responsibility. I do NOT want to teach just to teach. To teach to gain
a paycheck and have my summers off {trust me when I say there are easier
avenues to go about achieving those two goals}. I want to teach to influence,
inspire, encourage, transform, and empower my students. Whether I am in the
right or wrong, my primary reason for teaching is to first love and encourage
my students and THEN teach them. If my students walk away knowing they are
loved and believed in, that will be a win for me.
When the weight of this level of responsibility and
influence seemed too great, I prayed that teaching would not be the will of
the Lord. That He would have an easier
plan for my life. One that didn’t require so much of my time or my emotional,
physical, spiritual and mental strength. I prayed that there would be another
way to lead and influence kids without so much sacrifice. I had even so much as
convinced myself that substitute teaching had to have been the Lord’s will
because the weight of teaching was too great for me to bear. I prayed until I
realized my prayers had become {irrational} requests rather than pleas of
surrender. So again I began to pray for the Lord’s will. HIS will and not my
own. HIS strength and not my own. HIS wisdom and not my own. And then I got a
phone call asking if I was available on June 15th at 1:15 to interview
for a teaching job. And as I hung up the phone, I knew that God was beginning
to open doors that led to a classroom…
In the days leading up to my interview, I played Bethel’s
version of “It is Well” on repeat.
The words spoke to my heart and voiced my total dependence on the Lord. I prayed that
God would orchestrate the details if this was His will and close doors if it wasn't. The morning of my
interview in the wake of some SERIOUS nerves, I did the cliché “flip your Bible
open and see what verse it turns to” move and my heart was both convicted and
calmed by the verses I turned to…
For by the grace given
me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you
ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the
faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body
with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in
Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the
others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If
your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if
it is serving, then serve; if it is
teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it
is giving, then give generously; if it
is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
–Romans 12: 3-8
If it is teaching,
then teach. In that moment, I knew that God had called me to teach in a
classroom. Whether that dream would come into fruition that day or in the days
to come, I knew that God had given
me the gift of teaching and that He was leading me into a career that I had
dreamed of since I was a little girl playing “school” in my parents basement
with my sister. I prayed, I listened to It is Well on repeat as I drove, and I
walked in for my first ever “Big Girl” interview.
On June 17th at 3:03 in the afternoon, I accepted a 3rd
grade position!
I am SO honored to be a part of the teaching team and cannot wait to meet my students! I am nervous, excited, terrified, confident, annd about every other emotion a person can experience when accepting a new job. Ha! I am EXCITED to live out
my dream of teaching and know there will be many lessons I learn along the way.
I have already been in prayer for my students and this year and am excited to
begin our journey through 3rd grade together!
