It is Well

Two months have already passed since graduating college and in that seemingly short amount of time, the Lord has led me on a really crazy journey of surrender and trust. I have found that trust is a really difficult thing for me. I am SUCH a planner, that as the days drew near for my student teaching to come to a close, a cloud of anxiety hovered over my heart as the question of “Now what?” began to plague my mind. In all honesty, although I was proud of my accomplishments and relieved to a point, I dreaded graduating because I knew as soon as I accepted my diploma, I would be faced with a whole lot more questions than answers. I like answers. Ha!

I struggled for the first several weeks {annnd beyond} of summer, being absolutely stricken with fear of the unknown. I knew that God had gone before me and would reveal His plans to me in time, but Satan has a funny way of using those times of waiting as footholds to our hearts and minds, doesn’t he? In those weeks of waiting, I struggled with irrational fear and insecurity and had to be extremely intentional about taking my thoughts captive and listening for the voice and truth of God rather than believing the lies Satan planted in my mind. Lies that shook my confidence in my ability to teach and lead well and made me question if I had wasted 4 years pursuing the wrong career. I began praying boldly that God would reveal His will for this next season of life, whatever that looked like. As I prayed, I wasn’t sure if  those prayers would lead me into a classroom, a non-profit, a church, or anywhere else. I just knew that I wanted whatever God wanted.

I also prayed boldly that if God had called me to teach in a classroom, that He would prepare me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for the job. I do not take teaching lightly, as I am acutely aware of the level of influence teachers have on the minds and hearts of students. There were nights throughout my college career and throughout this summer that I have been absolutely paralyzed by the weight of that responsibility. I do NOT want to teach just to teach. To teach to gain a paycheck and have my summers off {trust me when I say there are easier avenues to go about achieving those two goals}. I want to teach to influence, inspire, encourage, transform, and empower my students. Whether I am in the right or wrong, my primary reason for teaching is to first love and encourage my students and THEN teach them. If my students walk away knowing they are loved and believed in, that will be a win for me.

When the weight of this level of responsibility and influence seemed too great, I prayed that teaching would not be the will of the Lord. That He would have an easier plan for my life. One that didn’t require so much of my time or my emotional, physical, spiritual and mental strength. I prayed that there would be another way to lead and influence kids without so much sacrifice. I had even so much as convinced myself that substitute teaching had to have been the Lord’s will because the weight of teaching was too great for me to bear. I prayed until I realized my prayers had become {irrational} requests rather than pleas of surrender. So again I began to pray for the Lord’s will. HIS will and not my own. HIS strength and not my own. HIS wisdom and not my own. And then I got a phone call asking if I was available on June 15^th at 1:15 to interview for a teaching job. And as I hung up the phone, I knew that God was beginning to open doors that led to a classroom…

In the days leading up to my interview, I played Bethel’s version of  “It is Well” on repeat. The words spoke to my heart and voiced my total dependence on the Lord. I prayed that God would orchestrate the details if this was His will and close doors if it wasn't. The morning of my interview in the wake of some SERIOUS nerves, I did the cliché “flip your Bible open and see what verse it turns to” move and my heart was both convicted and calmed by the verses I turned to…

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. –Romans 12: 3-8

If it is teaching, then teach. In that moment, I knew that God had called me to teach in a classroom. Whether that dream would come into fruition that day or in the days to come,  I knew that God had given me the gift of teaching and that He was leading me into a career that I had dreamed of since I was a little girl playing “school” in my parents basement with my sister. I prayed, I listened to It is Well on repeat as I drove, and I walked in for my first ever “Big Girl” interview.

On June 17^th at 3:03 in the afternoon, I accepted a 3^rd grade position!

I am SO honored to be a part of the teaching team and cannot wait to meet my students! I am nervous, excited, terrified, confident, annd about every other emotion a person can experience when accepting a new job. Ha! I am EXCITED to live out my dream of teaching and know there will be many lessons I learn along the way. I have already been in prayer for my students and this year and am excited to begin our journey through 3^rd grade together!